When it comes to ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriends, lovers and spouses, it's "normal" to break up, but what about friends? Are we supposed to keep the same friends, yet somehow continue to evolve in our journey here on Earth?
While talking with a friend, I told her that during these last 2 years of immense growth (which involved self-care, healing, changing my diet, detoxing, understanding my soul’s purpose and more), that I found myself having to “break up” with some friends. This was part of lifting the veil.
I needed to end some friendships. They weren't fun, inspiring or positive anymore. And sometimes, they just didn't align with my journey of healthy habits, spirituality etc.
Sometimes elevation requires separation.
Here’s how I handle breaking up with friends:
Have a chat. Okay, okay, I know this sounds like advice from a dating site, but seriously, if you were on the other end and could feel a friend become distant or less connected, wouldn’t you want to know why?
It may be uncomfortable, but I like to approach it like this, “As you have probably sensed, I’ve been going through a lot of changes in my life. I hope you know that I adore you and our friendship, but right now, I need some time to sift through all these changes and see where they take me.”
100% of the time, the person has already felt the shift. Energy doesn’t lie (and you don’t have to be super intuitive to pick up on it). They know – you know, so honor yourself and them by explaining what’s going on. It’s reaaaally freeing.
If you know the friendship is definitely over (maybe the friend is really negative or you feel drained after hanging out with them instead of uplifted and happy), then share that with them. However, don't tell them that they are a Negative Nancy (that only puts someone on the defensive), but be honest and tell them that you are on a journey and your interest aren't the same anymore. Sure, they might not understand, but it's a lot better than ghosting someone and leaving them hurt and confused.
A few other things to keep in mind…
+ Try rehearsing your key points. I talked it out with my mom (she was aware of each of these situations and the people involved). Practicing with a trusting friend, spouse or out loud to yourself, helps immensely.
It’s not a “normal” topic so running through what you want to say will help you stay calm and hopefully remind you to share your feelings with compassion.
+ If the conversation leads to, “What’s next?” or “Where do we go from here?”, I like to let them know that I will reach out when I'm ready.
After all, I’m the one who’s in the thick of all these changes…. and I don’t know when I’ll be finished navigating them (and what things will look like on the other side). This way they know what to expect.
+ I don’t sit down with every friend. Sometimes, I’ve watched the Universe and my angels take care of it, meaning the friend and I just naturally grow apart. Whether it’s been a few months or a few years, the lessons have been learned and I'm so grateful and happy for our time together, but we just don't vibe anymore... and that's okay!
Pssst - I am not always the one on the delivery end. Many times I’ve had friends “break up” with me, but unfortunately, these usually happen in a very dramatic and hurtful way.
At the time, I was sad and confused, but I look at my life now and I am in awe at how many wonderful friends I have - ones who mirror my passions and interests. I've realized the Universe will never leave you empty-handed because there are always new friends waiting for you on the next stage of your evolution. :)
I think many of us believe that because people are “college friends” or “friends from back home” that we have to continue to be friends with them, but on this journey - the one where we decided to come to this school called Earth so our soul could evolve, this means it’s only natural to let go of friendships that no longer serve us. This isn’t selfish, it’s necessary. It’s a form of self-care.
I hope this post has inspired you or answered some lingering, knowing feelings you might have about a friendship. If you’re still unsure, take a break. How does it feel without that friend in your life? It's okay to tell them that you need "some me time". And once you've had some time to evaluate how you feel without them, you can make a more confident decision about what to do next.